Home again, home again, jiggidy jog..

We were home for long enough to not want to go back to work. And long enough for me to paint the living room and the man of the house to install some really cool lighting timers for the outside lights.

Here is a virtual tour of the downstairs...

The front door and foyer area.

Looking down the hall toward the back door.

The dining room.

In the dining room looking into the kitchen.

Continuing around the table.

The living room from the dining room.

The living room from the kitchen.

That's the downstairs. No picture of the bathroom or garage or under stairs closet. After the next layoff perhaps there will be pictures of the upstairs.

Christmas Tradition

I know, I know "long time no post", but I've been having too much fun enjoying being at home.

Today, we recreated a particular holiday tradition from my childhood. The tacky christmas light driveby. I remember many a December evening from when I was little when all of us kids would pile into the van and the whole family would be off for an evening of christmas light sightseeing, or "light-seeing" if you will. It usually involved a stop at Domino's Farms for their over-the-top lumen-stravaganza. Ahh yes, the arches that for some reason we called the "particle accelerators". Nerds even then. That was the best free entertainment.

Well, here in Savannah, at the end of our road there is a neighborhood of very "tony" homes. We went through there looking for christmas lights tonight. I have always said that you can get away with almost anything as long as all your lights are the same color. The overabundance of bright as airstrips white lighted houses let me know that my secret was out, but the neighborhood did not disappoint for tacky.

There was tacky on an average scale.

There was desperation.

There was tacky on a grand scale.

Inflatable "snow globes" are the favorite abomination all over the south right now. I can't speak for the rest of the country, but every redneck in the south seems to have an inflatable piece of holiday crap in their front yards this year.

And the following is possibly the best tacky Christmas display I've ever seen. (And, as I've mentioned before, that is really something...)

What!!! Let's see that in close up!

Not only is there an enormous, yellow, badly lettered sign on the house... Not only is there a mannequin dressed as an angel on a wire placing a star on the tree... But the best may be the little noticed mannequin angel in the back driving the sleigh hitched to the reindeer.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Padookie

Paducah Kentucky has a lovely theatre. Tasteful, well appointed, well designed, nice house staff in the middle of nowhere. It could have been the fastest load in ever today but we had to stop for 3 hours mid morning for, what else, CHURCH. Evangelical church. Holy rolling church.

I would've gone to the service if they had had it in front of our set (a junkyard), but they closed the grand drape. Still it would have been funny to see preists walking around in front of a giant tire, oven, lampshade, etc.

If we had been delayed, I was going to report that it was due to an Act of God.

Choo Choo!

Chattanooga Tennessee's Memorial Auditorium is a huge venue. Nearly 4000 seats, a very wide stage and plenty of support spaces downstairs. My favorite feature is the 3 spigot shower in the stairwell. This is a shot as you're headed to the stage.

And from the other side. If it was a ramp instead of stairs I could see the shower being the place the circus animals got washed...but midway up the stairs with nary an elephant to be seen, I just don't get it.

Sandwhat!!!

So the other day, we got into Tallahassee and, desperate for clothes (naked load-in is a no no), we set off for the laundry mat. Between the laundry and the grocery store was a cute little restaurant. The line was enormous, so we figured the food had to be good. John and I got salmon sandwiches and a bowl of chili to go. We went back to the laundry and sat down by the windows. John started to eat his chili, I ate half of my sandwich and then switched the laundry. Meanwhile a girl was painting holiday scenes on the windows. I got back to my sandwich and took a bite of the second half. Immediately I knew something was wrong. It kind of felt like I had bit a plastic fork and the tines were jabbing me. I spit the bite out and there was a huge beetle. I bit a beetle. A big black beetle. A BEETLE! A HUGE BEETLE...in my sandwich. I think he was long dead, because there was no squish, no movement and I didn't sever anything when I bit him. He was just pokey. Well, I'm lucky I didn't empty my stomach contents on the spot. I'm still not sure how I managed to avoid that. The beetle was so big that I looked around as if "where are the cameras?" I felt like "this can't possibly happen to real people, I'm on TV right?" You should have seen the look on John's face. He said I jumped a mile into the air. The girl who was painting the window looked in aghast.

I closed the box up and went next door to the restaurant. I waited in the line. And when I was about 4 people till the register a bus boy came by and asked if everything was ok. I opened the box and pointed. He said "Oh my god, you can just toss that, I'm sure they'll give you a refund." I said I'd prefer to hang on to it till the front of the line as it was more impressive in person. When I got the front, the girl at the register was appropriately appalled. She took it in the back and showed the kitchen and said she'd be happy to give me a refund, however she had to go get somebody to show her how. So she called one of the other girls over who asked if I was serious and rolled her eyes at me. WHAT!!!! I told her I was dead serious and I was trying to be nice because there was a whole line of people behind me who wouldn't want to know that I BIT A HUGE BEETLE!!!!! in my sandwich.

It looked just like this only the legs were curled in because it was dead. EWWW!

reminds me of camping

Sometimes load-in reminds me of camping. First you crawl out of your bunk which for most people is slightly roomier than a sleeping bag. Then you stumble out of the bus and try and remember where you are. When you get into the theatre, there's the initial scoping out of the bathroom location and finding the power hookup. Then there's the excess of people standing around when they actually have a job to do. But are they doing it? Nope. They're just standing around saying how they would do it this way or that way, occasionally getting in the way, and then wondering if it's time for food yet. Also, there tend to be some people who could have used a shower before now. And if there is a tv anywhere in the vicinity, you can bet that there will be at least one or two people hiding out and watching it.

Then there's the prospect of taking a shower in a new and scary location. Again, like camping, there is a definite knowledge that there is probably not a regular cleaning schedule for the bathroom in question. Suspicion of such is confirmed by the variety and size of the bugs lurking in the drains. Dead usually, but you have to be careful. Roadie legend tells of the roadie that got soap in his eyes and, stumbling about, managed to kick off the hazmat flipflops (that are strongly recommended), and accidentally stepped onto a pair of cockroaches that were big enough to carry him down the hall. Yee ha!

Feels like summer...

It was at least 75 degrees today in Baton Rouge. It felt like summer. Last year at this time we were in Denver. It was ice cold and windy. This picture is from then.

Thugs on scooters. Damn those were fun.

Daytona Beach...not just for NASCAR

The Peabody Auditorium in Daytona Beach is but 2 blocks from the water. That's the best thing about it. It is so small that in the star dressing room, you have to sit cockeyed on the toilet for accuracy sake. There's a guy at the box office who called me a "determined little girl" and said that his name was Al, but some people called him Peter Rabbit. And we had an audience member get arrested at intermission for being drunk and disorderly. Her kids stayed to watch the show with one of the cops.

Columbus GA

A security guard said that our kids were either in the show or were from San Francisco. I didn't know that San Francisco was populated by just out of college kids in cat makeup.

Casinos are depressing.

They are. Very depressing. They're full of desperate people and people who can't do math. And the food, though free for employees (and temporary guests of the entertainment department), causes a serious waste of time. You can loose days in the bathroom. Trust me.

The highlight of the Thanksgiving in Biloxi was a performance by Big Mama Fonda (the show's drag queen in residence). I'll have pictures of that soon. In the meantime, the following was the carpet. Picture that on a full colon.

Panama Shitty, oops, City, sorry my lisp...

In events "truly awesome" by bus and truck tour standards, our entire local wardrobe crew today were high school students. Oh, except the crazy lady that was the head. She was a million years old and cranky.
Oh, and one of the carpenters, or crapenter in this case, had just had a knee replacement. I mean just had one. As in couldn't climb stairs just had one. Who agrees to work a job that requires physical labor when you can barely walk!
I'm looking forward to a very Biloxi Thanksgiving tomorrow.

Richmond

Oh Richmond... The Landmark Theatre is one of my favorites on the B city list. It is a beautiful old, partially restored Masonic Temple. We all know the Masons have a storied past, and the Landmark furthurs every idea you've ever had about them. The theatre has a beautifully restored dome over the audience (unfortunately, I don't have a picture to show you.) The staff say the building is haunted and that the ghost lives in one of the minarets on the front of the building. I've never been up to the minarets, but I have been down 3 stories into the sub basements to see the abandoned swimming pool and the shooting range. Very creepy by flashlight.

The last time I was at the Landmark was a few years ago. I was the props person for the show at that time. The house head was a very very old, nice guy named Bill, who kept asking me "where is the prop guy?". I kept telling him I was the prop guy and he kept laughing and saying "no, you're the coffee girl." Also on my crew was a kid (he couldn't have been more than 18) whose name was Chance. And another guy who, when I asked him his name, he said "Assneck". I told him that there was no way I could call him that. He said "no, really, that's the name I respond to." "Ok, Assneck, how'd you get your name?" He said it was related to the botched tattoo on his neck. Oh, good times in Richmond.

Favorite Engrish Signage

Here are some of my favorite signs from my last tour in China.

I was kind of hoping for a fire so I could feel the excitement.

This is where the liars go to hide.

My office.

Little Rock

Finding the stage door in Little Rock yesterday was nearly a "Spinal Tap" moment. Some nice little old lady let a bunch of us in saying "Oh, you crazy road lizards, you'd think you wouldn't need any help." We crazy road lizards indeed did need some help because we ended up in the lobby of the Exhibition Hall instead of backstage.

Rules of the Road

The generally accepted rules of sleeper bus travel have long been a mystery to many. Read on and the mysteries will be revealed...
Rule #1 is no #2.
Rule #2 see rule #1.
Rule #3 Don't fall asleep in either the front or the back lounge or you will be subject to whatever your bus mates may choose to do to you (i.e. one big burly guy once had his armpit shaved and unflattering names written on his forehead with Sharpie all because he fell asleep in the lounge.)
Rule #4 Always sleep with your feet toward the driver in case he has to stop suddenly while you're asleep and you go sliding wildly, you won't break your neck at the end of your bunk.
Rule #5 Don't sleep in the top bunk if you have to pee a lot during the night.
Rule #6 No guests on the bus. It is a very small home for up to 12 people. There is no room for extra people.
Rule #7 If it's not labeled in the fridge or on the counters its fair game.
Rule #8 Don't drink the water.
Rule #9 No sleeping with your bunk curtain open. Especially if you snore louder than the bus hitting the rumblestrips.
Rule #10 Don't ever go into a truck stop without taking your cell phone telling somebody else you've left the bus. The Oklahoma City Flying J is a lonely place at 3AM.

it should be called Lousy-anna...

Observations of the day:

1. When you start the day 16 stagehands short for a full call, don't expect it to get better.

2. Crawfish ettouffee can mean different things to different people.

3. Southern people's time. Don't fight it. It hurts more.

4. When there are so few ushers that you can't let people into the lobby because they'll go right into the house, you shouldn't have a show.

5. 4 unlikely events can share a venue: CATS, a wedding, a pageant, and a gun show.

6. When the floor is cleaner than the chairs, you know you're in Lake Charles.

7. "Uh huh", doesn't denote comprehension.

8. I would like to believe that bad things happen because people are tired, having worked since 6AM, but unfortunately, I've been to Louisiana before and I know that's just not the case.